RSVP

I deal with RSVPs on a regular basis. Between my multiple Meetup groups (I'm in 21 groups total including the 7 I organize), party and ritual inviations, I have to respond to an average of 7 events a week. No, I'm really not kidding about that.

Over the years I have found that most people assume RSVP means to respond only if you are attending. I'd like to take a moment to inform folks, that is not exactly true.

"Répondez s'il vous plaît", a French phrase that translates to "please respond" or "respond if you'd please". In Western and European culture, it is often considered rude to not reply to an RSVP request whether confirming attendance or declining.

I have seen, on rare occasion, invitations that ask invitees to RSVP only if they plan to attend. However, in 99% of the invitations I send or receive that is not the case.

On occasion I have discovered that people will wait to respond at all because they are uncertain if they are able to attend the event. I can understand this, especially if there is only a Yes or No response. However, if there is a Maybe option, perhaps its best to respond with that and then change your response accordingly when you have a more firm idea regarding your attendance.

In some cases, such as Meetup events, it is also an option to change your RSVP, as much as you like, prior to the event. If you were a Yes, but discover you are unable to attend, you can change to a No. However, this may be different with an event such as a wedding where the head count is very necessary as the bride and groom have to pay for each person. So to change your response at the last minute can be costly for them.

This can also be a problem if the event, such as on Meetup.com, has a limit to the total amount of attendees. Often this is due to the venue accommodations. When a person RSVPs with a Yes, but they aren't able to attend and doesn't change their response or notify the organizer of the change, this takes away that available seat for someone who would have been able to attend the event. I have heard many Meetup organizers who create these type of events (often at restaurants with limited seating) complain about this type of rude behavior. I don't blame the organizer for being upset.

Currently I have an event listed through Evite.com. An unfortunate issue with this web invitation service is that sometimes the sent invitation gets lost in the receivers spam filter. I'm not sure why this happens, but it does. So when individuals receive the invitation, but do not click on the invitation link I am never certain if they ever received the invitation. When they do click on the link I am able to see that they did receive the invite and looked at it. When this happens, but they still don't respond with a Yes or No I am less inclined to be concerned about it. I figure they know about the event, but just didn't care enough to respond. I feel less inclined to send further emails or make phone calls.

If they have not clicked on the link and looked at the Evite, my concern is that they never received the information at all and might have liked to have attended the event if they had known, so I go that extra mile to make sure they're aware.

So if you receive an invitation to an event with an RSVP request on it, please take the time to respond with something. :)

Cat Care Email

This came in tonight from my friend Angela who took care of my kids today since I'm still in Oregon and Dad wasn't home either.

Hi Yvonne,

I wasn't able to stay as long as I would have liked with your cats today because my allergies went haywire. I've been scratching my face all day. Ugh. Anyway, I gave them all food and checked their water. It smells like someone isn't using the box but I didn't see where they were going to clean it up. The box only had two piddle clumps and smelled fresh so I skipped policing their commode in lieu of breathing. I only saw Big Boy, Ed, Fluff, and Jackie. I was afraid to look under the bed for Einstein because I think they were plotting to smother me if I got on the floor. I just know Big Boy and Ed were waiting for me to get low enough for them to get on my back. From there, they would eat my body. You would have found chew remains of me, stuffed under the bed, but not that far because I don't see cats making that much of an effort to conceal the body :-)

I also didn't see Bob or Little One but I did check and call for them. I didn't see Tortellini either, but I can walk by him and not see him since he kind of blends in.

I hope all is well when you get home. Hope your trip is going well. See you Wednesday.

Ange

Yeah, my cats are pretty lazy. I doubt they'd even bother to try to pull her remains under the bed.

44 odd things about me that you probably didn't think you needed to know

1. Do you like blue cheese?
Of course I do! It's cheese!

2. Have you ever been drunk?
Not since last weekend.

3. Do you own a gun?
Quite a few. Along with lots of shiny sharp pointy things.

4. What flavor of Kool Aid was your favorite?
Lime. That's Bryce's fault, actually. Lol! It was his favorite, because it was green, so we had it a lot growing up. It soon became my favorite too.

5. Do you get nervous before doctor appointments?
No, not before, but sometimes during. I have been known to make some doctors uncomfortable. Some love that I'm so well informed about my situation/condition and ask lots of questions. However, there have been a few who didn't like this and were a great deal less than professional about things as a means to "even the playing field". One physically assaulted me because he couldn't handle my reason for denying a harmful procedure he himself was abusing, while another used to yell at me because he also didn't understand why I was denying having a harmful (not helpful) procedure done. My denying the procedure meant they couldn't get extra money from my insurance. It also meant that unlike many I'd met who were not only NOT relieved of the issue the procedure was supposed to alleviate but also permanently crippled and disfigured, I'm fully functional and have no permanent physical issues. Needless to say, those men are no longer my doctors.

6. What do you think of hot dogs?
I loves them! Especially the "Chicago" style dogs at Portillos. Mmmmmm...

7. Favorite Christmas movie?
"White Christmas" (1954)

8. What do you prefer to drink in the morning?
Water, it's the first thing I drink.

9. Can you do push ups?
Not currently. Broken arm kinda makes that difficult, and I never mastered the one handed push-up.


10. What's your favorite piece of jewelry?
It's a sterling silver brooch (41mm) with a beautiful interwoven design of Odin riding his 8 legged horse, Sleipnir. I have a matching pendant as well. I bought the pendant first many years ago and the ex bought me the brooch at Koroneburg Faire a couple of years ago. It's one of the few things he did right. ^_^

11. Favorite hobby?
Collecting crystal skulls. I have nearly 70 of them, from tiny to rather large, made from various stones and semi-precious gems carved by artists around the globe. I began collecting them in 2000 after meeting Max, the Crystal Skull. They all occupy the ancestor altar I have set up in my living room. I have also used them for their magickal properties to enhance spells and other magickal workings.

12. Do you have A.D.D.?
Definitely. Some times things are worse than others, but I think... hmmm, I need to do laundry... anyway, I know I have a very hard time not... ooooh shiny!! Damn, I think I need to go to the store. I forgot I needed... Did I ever mention I used to be a cheerleader for Buddha? I think I'm hungry. Oh, hey isn't tonight light saber fight night with the OC Star Wars club? Oh that was yesterday, huh? Anyway, yes I think I do.

13. What's your favorite shoe?
I have well over 200 pairs. Yes, I believe I am related to Imelda Marcos. Anyway, my most frequently worn pair are my black on black cat head mary janes. I have three other pairs of cat heads: black cat heads on red shoes, black cat heads on white shoes, and pink cat heads on black shoes.

14. Middle name?
Yep, I have one.

15. Name 3 thoughts at this exact moment?
Going to Tune in Tokyo tonight and figuring out what I want to wear, getting the ritual together for the movie I'm filming in March, and singing a Flogging Molly tune in my head.

16. Name 3 drinks you regularly drink?
Water, sprite/7up type soda, more water. I stay clear of caffeine because it makes me ill, and despite this past weekend and some of my parties, I really don't drink very much overall. With that in mind there are very few drinks I will have when I go out.

17. Current worry?
My next project: "Honoring the Ancestors"

18. Current hate right now?
Hate is such a harsh word and I can't really say I "hate" anything. I greatly dislike a lot of things though. I greatly dislike the state of limbo my broken arm and pending surgeries put me in.

19. No number 19
Hey, where'd it go?

20. How did you bring in the New Year?
It was awesome! Eileen and I went to the middle of freakin' NO WHERE, east of here, to celebrate Joe's 40th birthday and catch up with Jeff, Carla, and Paul all of whom I hadn't seen in about 7 years. We were all buddies from school, but Jeff, Joe and I were also all staff writers for different rock magazines back in the early '90s. My OCAG crew called me and all wished me a Happy New Year too. It was fantastic! :D

21. Where would you like to go?
Japan, Ireland, Scotland, Norway, Italy, Spain, Peru, Brazil, and Germany.

22. Name three people who will complete this:
Seriously, do I have to? Meh. I greatly dislike these kind of questions.

23. Do you own slippers?
Yes.

24. What color shirt are you wearing right now?
A white OC AIDS Walk t-shirt.

25. Do you like sleeping on Satin sheets?
I sleep on 600 count sateen sheets and love 'em! But regular satin sheets... never have.

26. Can you whistle?
Indeed, I can, and when I do the cats come. Go figure.

27. Favorite color?
Deep purple - It's my hair color

28. Would you be a pirate?
How dare ye ask me such a question. O' course I be! I be th' Queen o' the pirates in these parts! Besides, the ninja club was full the month I tried to join. o_O

29. What songs do you sing in the shower?
Whatever's stuck in my head at the time. Pop, rock, chorale, pagan.

30. Favorite Girl's Name?
Sophia, Isabella, Yumiko

31. Favorite boy's name?
Matthias, Octavius, Thorstein
(no, I really can't just pick a single favorite name)

32. What's in your pocket right now?
I'm not wearing anything with pockets.

33. Last thing that made you laugh?
The most recent set of comments my friends posted on my PantheaCon photos.

34. Best bed sheets as a child?
Clean. And might I add, what a weird-ass question!

35. Worst injury you've ever had as a child?
Falling from the roof and breaking my tail bone. whee!

36. Do you love where you live?
Love? Hmmmm... I've lived here for 18+ years now. It would not have been my first pick, but it could have been far worse. Besides, I'm still in OC and for that I am happy.

37. No number 37
FAIL!

38. Who is your loudest friend?
That's easy: Jason, the self-proclaimed "Omnipresent Mouth". I use him to quiet the crowd when I have announcements and such.

39. How many dogs do you have?
Um... reminder, I have cats. They don't seem to be terribly fond of dogs. However, I have been contemplating getting a British bulldog or a Corgi. They're just so damn cute!!!

40. Does someone have a crush on you?
Apparently a few. o_O

41. What is your favorite book?
Really, just one? In case you haven't noticed I don't do well with picking just one favorite. Fine! One of my faves at random: "The Birth of the Chess Queen" by Marilyn Yalom

42. What is your favorite candy?
Hands down: English Toffee. I love that buttery sweet taste. (Oh wow, something I was actually able to just pick one for!)

43. What song do you want to be played at your Funeral?
Geez, I have an entire playlist! It includes Roy Orbison, David Bowie, Pink Floyd, Flogging Molly, Home Made Kazoku, & Tyr.

I have hopes my funeral will be an open funeral pyre (loaded with fragrant herbs), outside - perhaps in a big open field (not exactly viking style - no boat burnings please), at dusk. I hope my friends will feast, drink plenty of mead and beer, have good tunes playing, and party all night in my honor. That would be quite awesome. :)

Is it strange that this is what I have wanted for my funeral for as long as I can remember? If it is, I don't really care.

44. Favorite Sports Team?
The Anaheim (not Los Angeles) Angels.

To Pin or Remove?

To Pin or Remove?

As most of you might be aware, I broke my arm last November, but in case you’ve not heard let me give a quick recap:

Nov. 6: tripped on broken pavement in Los Angeles
Nov. 7: saw my Dr. in OC, discovered it was broken and in need of surgery.
Nov 10: had surgery to repair break to neck of radius near elbow with a plate and screws

Here are the two posts I made regarding the fall and an update:
That really wasn't part of the plan...

The Overdue Update: My Cyborg Arm with Refrigerator Magnets

Originally I thought I’d busted my ulna, but in fact it was my radius. I snapped it at the neck and compacted the head of the radius back onto the rest of the bone. A ‘T’ shaped plate and 4 screws were placed in to hold it properly within the elbow and so the break could heal.

I wore a splint for 2 weeks after the surgery. Once it was removed I was sent off to physical therapy for 3 more weeks. I went in for a check up with the surgeon in mid Dec. only to discover what we hoped would not happen. The bone wasn’t healing.

At first look over my X-rays the surgeon was visibly unhappy. He decided for good measure to take a second set of X-rays. Unfortunately, the news from this set seemed worse than the first.

Because of the nature of the two bones in the lower arm (ulna and radius) they rotate over each other as you rotate your arm palm up to palm down. This motion was too much for the plate and twisted it and began to pull out the single screw on the lower part of the ‘T’ shaped plate from the longer part of my bone. At the same time the lower part of the bone slipped out of position by rotating on the single screw. So now the plate and pulled screw rub under the muscle and tendons in my arm. It actually feels really gross and entirely unnatural. So any chance I get I make someone put their hand on my arm and I rotate it. It’s sick, but I love seeing their reaction. :P

I’m not entirely sure what the rules are regarding bones and the way they heal, but because it was less than 6 weeks since my original surgery my surgeon, Dr. D., wanted to wait, in hopes that with a splint back on the inability to rotate my arm would then allow the bone to heal. A second surgery was definitely going to happen, but when and what for was up in the air.

In the best case scenario the bone would heal and a second surgery would be done to remove the damaged plate and screws which were originally intended to be permanent.

In the worst case scenario the plate and screws would be removed, pins would be put in place as well as cadaver bone tissue (Yay, zombie elbow!). This meant I would then have to be in a cast for several months and when all was done I would have limited mobility and range of motion. (boo!)

zombie elbow...

So the splint was placed back on for 3 more weeks and the surgery would be pending.

Last Friday, Jan 16, the splint was removed. (Yay!) This past Monday I went in for a CT scan. I brought the CD home to check out the images. Honestly I couldn’t make heads or tails of it. 136 images of... bleah??? It looked cool to just hold the arrow key down and watch it rotate through all the images like an animation, but it looked more like a Rorschach test to me.

Today I went to see Dr. D. The CD the hospital gave me with the CT scan was not what he asked for. I guess they didn’t burn to the CD some different type of images that he requested so he said he would go to the hospital tomorrow or Friday to see it for himself. However, he did speak at length with the Dr. who did the scan and was told there was more bone scar tissue, but that the bone is not connecting.

This was bad.

So we discussed my options. My hope was that the bone would just heal already and the plate and screws would be removed, end of story. Now the pins have been moved up as the best case scenario.

Best case: remove plate and screws, place in several pins, add almost-dead guy tissue, cast for months, have physical therapy for several weeks, then have a 3rd surgery to remove pins. At this point we’re talking 5-8 months of having to deal with this.

Worst case: remove plate and screws, replace radius bone head with metal and hope the bone grows and heals. I wasn’t given any further information about length of healing time and what it all meant, but it didn’t sound remotely good.

Dr. D. thinks it’s possible that the plate is preventing the bone from connecting. That even if it’s just a millimeter too far it’s strong enough to keep the tissue from connecting and healing.

I did ask if he thought there might be another reason the bone wasn’t healing. I began to wonder if we should seek some other medical reason for my bone failing to heal properly. He said he felt there was not a medical reason, it was simply because the bone was not close enough to heal.

He asked me if I’d been in pain and reminded me to not take Advil, aspirin, or any of the other OTC pain meds because they are blood thinners and will prohibit the growth of bone. Yes, I’m in pain, but it’s something I can cope with, usually… provided someone doesn’t hit me, or grab my arm as they so often have done regardless of splint, sling or my simply being protective of it. So if you see me, do not touch my left arm or shoulder whatsoever.

The Dr. did prescribe darvocet for pain management, but I haven’t taken any yet.

He’s also decided to have me use a “bone growth stimulator”, sounds kinky, don’t it? Well, essentially I get to electrocute myself for 45 minutes a day. He doesn’t hold a lot of stock in the belief of this type of therapy, and honestly in this case, neither do I, but he also said it couldn’t hurt.

Funny thing, he said it was “a lot like going to church.” I don’t get a Christian vibe off of him by the way, he’s definitely more a man of science than faith, but I thought it was funny, understood how he meant it, and agreed with his reasoning.

Sadly this won’t be too new to me. When I lost use of both of my hands for a year back in 2000… yeah, that was a fun time in my life, I went to an acupuncturist who would put anywhere from 20-90 needles in my hands, arms, shoulders, neck and back. She’d add little electrodes to several. I’d take them as high a setting as I could stand ‘em and lay there for 45 minutes, 3 times a week for 3 years. Wheeee! So fun.

Anyway, the plan as it stands is to wait another month. I’m supposed to wear my sling when I go out, and I’m not allowed to push use of my arm. It is possible to over use the arm and snap the plate. Apparently the plate is really intended to be a metal band-aid to hold the bone in place just long enough to heal.

I was already dreading a 2nd surgery. I was glad that with the first one I didn’t have too long to wait. It was my very first major surgery and I was scared to death, but I got through it ok. This time I’m not only looking at a 2nd, but also a 3rd and we have no dates set for any of it?!?! My life is on hold and I’m totally freaked out!

I guess I pulled The Hanged Man from the deck...

Although The Hanged Man would once most likely have been interpreted as a punishment, somewhere along the way it came to symbolize a change of perspective, new points of view and spiritual revelations – the card shows physical immobility and restrictions, but freedom and power of the mind. Other than that, the Hanged Man may signify a sense of being caught in between two opposites and a time of suspension, when you don’t really feel you have your two feet on the ground.

Now keep in mind, the very same day I went to my first physical therapy I was also laid off from my job. Though I’d been looking and had a few interviews, none of them panned out and I don’t know what to do now with not just 1, but 2 more surgeries to look forward to, plus having my left arm casted for months! This puts a major crimp in my ability to work. I keep hoping a 3rd, better option becomes available.

My logical brain says, “It is what it is and I’ll get through this like I always do.” My emotional side says, “Fuck this crazy shit! Why is this happening?!” I mean when you think about it, I've been walking around for over two months with a broken arm... and it will be AT LEAST another month before anything additional is done.

Life keeps marching forward, even when we aren’t sure or even ready to. I feel that everything in life teaches us some kind of lesson. I’ve been trying to figure out what the lesson here is, other than to “watch where I’m walking”. Heh… of course, what if that really is the fucking lesson here? Watch where you're walking... Frankly, I think it's more like the Hokey Pokey at this point.

That's what it's all about!